Hello Kamachi: I'm sorry you are struggling. The Skeezyks recalls replying to your previous post. You wrote that you'll be seeing a psychologist in a few weeks. From my perspective, this is the best way to go about figuring out what is going on with you & what to do about it. We here on PC cannot diagnose you. And anything we might suggest is going to be, at best, just an opinion based on little information. My personal opinion is this is only likely to add to your confusion. So from my perspective (again) I think the best thing to do is try to hang in there until you see the psychologist & see what s/he says. And, in the meantime, keep posting here on PC. It can help too.