Hi Todd -- Being alone is hard, and perhaps no time of the harder is more lonely than the holidays.

Here is my perspective on finding someone -- when I make myself my first priority and give up trying to "find someone," men are attracted to me. When I make "finding someone" my priority, it's like trying to grab hold of a shadow. Or else, I attract men who are as needy as I am and not necessarily good for me.

This is not necessarily everyone's dynamic -- I've read about people who decide to mount a very systematic, organized search for the perfect partner. My dynamic, however, is that I when I'm looking for someone, I'm generally wanting someone to complete me, to fill up something that's vacant, empty, missing in me. Only when I am in spaces where I am doing that for myself with some to spare am I attractive to the right kind of man.