I realized my last two manic episodes...I kinda....flirted, behaved crazy and inappropriately with a boss at work because I had the delusion that he was into me. I mean, I really, really thought he was. But it was all in my head. And I did some pretty impulsive crazy things and now I'm like...well damn.

I've been doing my best to be a helpful, hard working associate. I've been going out of my way to be as good as possible to make up for all the crazy that happened. I've been friendly, like a friend but working relationship friendly. Respectful. After a couple of days of cold behavior from him, he started warming up to me again. Now he's appreciative and smiling. But I still feel awful for how I behaved, more importantly, for making him so uncomfortable. I was always his favorite and then I went psycho on him. After all the kind things he has done for me, and I mean he took a bullet for me before when he isn't even my manager. He's been very sweet to me. So I feel so, so awful. And its embarrassing I have to go in every day and be like yeah I behaved that way and flirted with you, and gave you a poem. Mhm. I did that.

I think I will casually mention being bipolar makes me act kind of crazy from time to time and let him know the symptoms of when I'm manic. He already knows I'm bipolar and disabled. But really....facing the humiliation is so tough. At least I've smoothed relations and we get along perfectly fine. People are telling me what happened isn't as bad as it seems. But its like a catastrophe in my head. And I really do have feelings for him (working on that one too).