Hi SeptemberMorn -- I wasn't ignoring you, somehow I didn't see your first post on 12/1.

I've got zip input on solving the Big Picture issue. One little thing did stand out for me, however: That the guys don't want to participate in Xmas decorating.

Why do they have to? If you and DIL and kids enjoy it, why don't you do it, a little time at her house, a little time at yours. If there is something the guys need to do (I need you to go on the roof and do X), make it a question with a specific answer:

When will you be able to go on the roof and install the X?

If he says -- I don't want to, don't have time, etc., several choices: justify why it must be done, fine someone else, do it yourself, and eliminate this part of the decorating.

If he won't give a date, make a suggestion: How about just before lunch on Saturday. We'll eat at 1 p.m., so if you get started by 11:30, you'll be done on time.

If someone doesn't want to participate in the joy of decorating, how much fun can it be for everyone else if the person is forced to do so?