already over .08 and I wont call. when I'm euthymic I try to assess whether I should live or die. I think about it almost (if not) daily, at least once, regardless of mood. and the way this effects me is it causes me to push people who are close to me away. no one can be close to me. you get close, and hurt me and you get the wrath. who wants to be around someone where you're walking on eggshells all the time. and most of the time the people don't ****in deserve it. this illness has driven me to be alone, and will continue to do so until the end of time. I'm tired of living like this. more days are hell than are not. and ive been in ****in treatment damn near my whole ****in life. I saw a therapist for the first time at 6!!! and this is "relief" I'm getting now? if this is what I work for I don't want it. I didn't ask for it. you can have it back... I fold.