</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rapunzel said:
I don't fit with anybody though. I always push people away and reject them and feel lost and rejected. I need to work out this relationship with her. I might never find anyone else who is willing to try, for one thing. Also, it feels like if I fail at this it would crush me.
.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">'

You sound so much like me. But I was thinking.. there are 3 seperate issues you are bringing up.

1. Whether your T can help you and support you ?
2. Whether you push your T away?
3. Whether you are puting forth effort?

I understand that you want this to work, but if your T can't help you, you are a gerbel on a spinning wheel. I was in a lot of relationships in the past where I wanted to get the approval and avoid the abandonments of my past and b/c of this I'd take the blame for everything and things would grow more dysfunctional. I think I have been finding more progress when I call people on what I am feeling in the relationship. Example. saying something like I feel that you don't think I'm working hard, and I am. It makes me feel hurt and disappointed. Can we have a productive relationship and move forward if you don't believe that I am working hard?

The second issue is your fear of abandoment. I think that plays out in not wanting to be honest about what I am experiencing in the relationship for me. I'll take the blame. I won't ask for what I need, and definately won't leave to look for someone to give me what I need, but no one would ever give it to me (my bad beliefs). I dunno. I think I'm slowly realizing that I'd rather have a real relationship now and lose one that isn't quite what I want, than to hold on to something substandard.

3 - Is the question of are you pushing yourself. My T says sometimes the interpersonal issues between your T and you are the "work". As you are able to sort out this issue, your fears about abandonment, ideas about whether you can get what you need, and what you would be willing to do to get it, you will DEFINATELY be working hard. Its all how you quantify it. If all your life you believe that few people can give you what you believe, and you are confronting that now, in my idea -- that IS working hard. I think you are doing it now.

Best,

ev. .. feel free to pm. sorry for the long reply. I've just been sorting out the same thing over the past few months.