Dragon, change is a process, you have not "changed" forever, are done, a "new" man. You will "backslide" and have difficulties. You have to relax and just be "yourself" rather than trying so hard to prove anything to anyone, including your wife. Only as you are comfortable with yourself can others trust to get close enough. Focusing on others (holding her hand, rubbing her neck, etc. in church) can make others a bit nervous because you are focusing on them, not on you and what you are getting in the moment. Discuss the sermon and what you learned from it and ask her about her experience; talk about so-and-so in your Sunday School class and your joint experience with them/their question or action, etc.

You have to learn to be self-ish in a different way! Instead of getting from others, which is the "wrong" kind of selfishness, you have to learn to give to yourself (instead of expecting others to give to you) and be yourself. Your experience is all you have! That is what makes up your life. No one else can experience for you or give you their experiences or "get" experience from you. Just like you can't "tell" people how much you have changed, you can't show your change by doing things for or to others. You have to get your own emotional life that attracts your wife and let her come to you slowly. From what you describe, I feel like you are chasing after her too much. You should be attracting her, not chasing her. But the accent should not be on her at all. She is a bee, you have to make yourself some honey, not just buzz around her like another bee :-)