Some ups and downs like there were last year. I woke up not sure what I wanted to do, and withdrew from more family activity like I have been on holidays as long as I've been in my 20's. I feel guilty when I decline invites because they are trying to show that they care by offering more than a couple of times in order to remind me that I'm welcome to come. I get uncomfortable or I want alone time before I do anything for the day. Off and on insecurity about reassurance people actually still care or I didn't hurt their feelings from my withdrawing. It makes me feel like a sucky person. It feels very sad emotionally because it leads me to feel lonely and I don't want to come off as severely depressed when all I want is some reassurance. I don't want to start to feel suicidal again just because my not-so normal mind tells me that my emotional needs aren't being met. It gets so confusing I don't even know if everything I'm saying is actually the accurate truth.