Thankfully, one holiday is gone for another year. The one thing I'm not sure is bad or good, is that I didn't feel anything yesterday, or today for that matter. In the past, I have experienced sadness, confusion, and anger for being alone and for the cruelty, pain, and suffering I've endured at the hands of family and other people.

I find myself pondering if being numb emotionally is good or bad. I'm leaning towards good because of two things: 1. People's cruelty won't affect me anymore. 2. I have finally accepted that my existence is meant to be solo.

I will never be cruel to other people, but, I now think that I've wasted too much inner strength on others. I know being emotionally numb can drive good people away. The only thing is.....where are they? I must be an a**hole magnet because that's all I run into where I live. In a world teeming with selfish and cruel people, how else is a kind person to survive without shutting down.