Hello!

I am a college student with a variety of mental health symptoms that have affected me for as long as I can remember.

I am currently struggling with a depression swing that has lasted for the past three weeks and doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I have gone from a depression diagnosis to bipolar along with anxiety and ADD. I feel like I have tried so many drugs but am currently on Welbutrin, Lamictal and Ritalin, all at fairly high dosages. They worked well for about four months but it seems to be crashing, and it was never great, but definitely made life manageable. It's very frustrating to feel like nothing can give me a sense of normalness and happiness for any extended amount of time, especially without crippling side effects. I am starting to wonder what my diagnosis actually should be.

I always feel sad, and worthless. I constantly question the purpose of things and feel like I am wasting time. I have lost all of the drive and passion I used to have years ago. It makes relationships and school/career things very difficult and unsatisfying. I have almost no focus and just generally don't feel like myself. I will feel happy for a few minutes and then a very angry or sad thought will come into my head and take it away instantly.

I am just tired of feeling like this, and am increasingly frustrated and pessimistic that this will ever be solved. I know deep down that I am a happy, bubbly, motivated woman but these mental illnesses just suck it out of me.

I am very open to medication but coming off things makes me so nervous as I generally don't withdrawal well at all. I also don't want to keep adding medication or increasing dosages. It is so hard to tell whether certain symptoms are side effects or issues and the addition of medications makes that even muddier. (for example, do I have ADD, or has depression and meds just killed my focus?)

Sorry this is such a long message (so many thoughts!) I appreciate your answers!

Grace