I haven't been here in a while. It's been a very hard year for me. I finally cut ties with my psychopath father, then discovered he is a pedophile who raped my little sister for years. Processing that changes everything I thought I knew about my life for fifty years. Then I learned he molested another relative, who was like an older sister to me.

Feeling sick and sad most of the time; I wonder, what are the odds I escaped his advances? I have some feelings and fragments that I am unsure whether they are dreams or memories that actually happened.

I have a lump in my throat, like I need to cry forever. Anxiety attacks. Drinking more than usual, afraid to get off the couch.

And it is hard to ask for help when my sister has been more traumatized than me. She has been in a hurricane of PTSD this year as the memories of abuse came back to her. I've been there for her, and I am so exhausted...