i can take a step back from my ocd and know that the intrusive thoughts are irrational but i can't help them from coming or stop me from obsessing over them and i know i just started my meds but they really need to hurry and kick in b/c i'm really thinking i'm losing my mind. my fiance and i live with his mom and stepdad and my fiances best friend and my newest thought is that i sleepwalk and sleep with one if not both of the other guys that live with us and as a result of that behavior i've contracted HIV i know its not true and that neither on of them even have HIV but yet i can't stop worrying about that and then doing my rituals to ease the worry. and them i've also had another obsession of if i didn't sleepwalk and have sex with our other roomates than i'm sure my fiances cheating on me and hes given me HIV again i know that thats not true deep down but i can't stop it. and i can't use the rubber band snapping technique b/c i'm in recovery from cutting and that could turn into another form of self mutilation for me. so baisiclly right now i feel like theres no way out.