What if I walk in to therapy tomorrow and T is wearing a horrible, scary mask---one of those big rubber jobs with a wild wig attached? What if he does that to repel me the way I feel repelled by myself? Oh I'm in such a crummy place right now. I am sure that on some level he is as disgusted with me as I am with me. That he won't accept me anymore. That the caring I felt was all a ruse and that he will turn into a monster who roars at me.