Note: This is just a venting thread. Don't read if you are affected by negativity

I always feel that I'm alien, as if I wasn't meant to live on this Earth. The way my mind works doesn't allow me to be part of this world. My mind is always blank, and I feel raging anger and frustration in my heart. I cannot focus on anything, although I think I'm not stupid. I often have headaches, nausea, and numbness and tingling in my legs. My breath is often short and fast because of my anxiety over life. I'm always stressed about my future. I know I need to change, but change is escaping me. I avoid people because I cannot get along with them, nor they can get along with me. We work on two different frequencies. See different things. Hear different things. I've ended up alone. Alone in a strange country. But I was strange at home, too. I live strange everywhere I go. Now I think loneliness has developed to depression, and doing anything is close to impossible. I just spend my time at home, in front of my computer's screen. No one to talk to, and no one to talk to me. I barely do my work which I'm about to finish, and I cannot find a new job. I don't have motivation to revise my resume, and I think when interviewers meet with me, they feel my cold soul, so they pass. I just hope I don't get seriously sick, which is plausible with all the stress and pain I've had, because I don't have willingness to fight for my life now, and I already have enough (psychological) pain. Instant death, however, is welcome at any time, please!