I hear what everyone is saying here, but I'd like to step in as one of those folks who has been advised to control your anger.

I know what it is like to feel like a rat in a cage and your cage has been rattled one too many times. I've lashed out and have a few regrettable tales to tell. I had an ex who would light my fire with his verbal assaults and in the end, we got away from each other.
When i was with the ex, I was like you. I introspected. I had the guts to berate myself. I went for the counseling. Ask her if she will go to counseling also. If she won't, it's time to end the relationship.