It was another bad scene tonight. I just can't stand to be around him when we are in this cycle. I asked him to leave because I want to spend some time with the boys before they return to school. He guilted me to let him stay, reminded me how I'd love him again once we get it right. I gave up, went back in the bedroom, locking myself in, taking two more Aleve PM.

A few minutes later I hear a boom. My son had kicked in my bedroom door thinking I had OD'd. They had told h to leave and then freaked out that I had locked the door. When I didn't hear them knocking, they kicked in the door.

I yelled to them that I was on the toilet.

They overreacted. But I really did take more pills.

So now I need to replace a couple of doors; kicked in door, punched in door, and patch a fist put through a wall, and the wall where I broke the lamp this summer.

This is really a family having domestic violence.

When my h was gone, I felt much better though. I told the boys the door was not important--we are. We vowed we'd make it through this and be alright. They said I should not change my mind and take back in husband. This has to stop.

I am so sorry I couldn't control my emotions. I have to listen to my emotions. It's simple-- when I am crying, it means I am unhappy, and when I feel fine, that is good. We were together, I was crying. We are apart, I feel fine.

So now I am in my house and h is out.

The t never even texted back.

My kids will be supportive and help me be strong.

I feel like damaged goods now and ready to be unattached and uninvolved.

At least the t saw how this really was my h's issue much more than mine. He validated me and that felt good.

I appreciate my h was trying to improve, I do. It just wouldn't ever be good, and it was too maddening to keep living through.

I want the t to help me separate from h.