To me, it is not just the depression but the anxiety and OCD that arises when I'm in stress and disturbed mood makes life a lot more harder.

I don't even have that luxury to stay on the bed without doing anything, because that would make anxiety and OCD worse the moment I get up, so I have to keep going and running like a shark unable to breathe if stopped swimming.

Yes, even yesterday I was wondering maybe it is all my fault and I'm not suitable to have a relationship with anyone, meant to live a lonely life and die alone.