(((((( BipolaRNurse ))))))

I am sorry for your loss. Grieving the loss of a beloved spouse never ends, it may just become easier with time.

My mom lives with us, after losing my stepdad 5 years ago. We see much of what she goes through in her attempts to adjust and to reach acceptance. Her life has changed drastically, as they used to do so much together. She is often very anxious and very sad. She needs a lot of assistance and does not help with household tasks. We are exhausted before the holidays arrive.

I am dreading the holidays for different reasons. There are too many family expectations placed upon us throughout the holidays. We'd like a break, some room, some peace in our home. Nobody in the family helps all year with my mom -- they don't visit her, they won't take her places with them, they simply will not help. On the holidays, they all show up and we are expected to provide housing and meals, again, with no help.

It's exhausting. We set more and more limits; yet, family just becomes increasingly hostile. They each/all see themselves as "guests" and feel they should not be asked to help with meals, etc.

On Thanksgiving, we had accepted an invite elsewhere. We'd invited our mom to go with us or to make other plans. What a relief! She joined in with our plans and we did not have to take on so much with unhelpful family members.

Many of the adults in my family still show up expecting to be waited upon.
They fail to recognize the fact that their "mother/grandmother" is no longer able to attend to them. They do not contribute to family holiday gatherings, etc.

I am so glad you have a caring, cohesive, supportive family around you!

Again, so sorry for the loss of your beloved.


WC