I thought i was better and i thought everything was going to be ok… But things are getting worse especially today. Im 15 a girl and i am adopted. One of the things i wanted to talk about is my adoptive mother. I have so many complicated and mixed feelings for her. But i do know that i love her because she is my mom. She has never shown me that she loves me back. Practically everything she does around me is fake. And she treats me like im nothing that im a waste of her time and that i deserve it all. The past month when i nearly broke my leg and was in more pain ive been in my life she didnt show she cared. She refused to take me to the hospital. And i had no one else to turn to bc we were on a trip. She gave me some pills and said now your better.
But this isnt what im talking about ^--- that wasnt the first time she didnt care when i got hurt. I do remember some sincere things that shes said to me that really stole my heart and made my day because they were real and she meant them. And when she treats me right i love her so much. I forgive her for all the hurtful and harmful things shes done and things she hasnt done to and for me - everything. But then there are days like today when it all comes crumbling down… She makes me doubt myself feel like a loser who should be in pain, she makes me feel like dying slowly. I wonder if this is because im adopted that it doesnt matter because im not really her kid… I have done nothing to her all day but she still hates me more than anything or anybody in the world. I havent cut in almost 2months and im trying to be strong but its hard...