Hello Lonely Warrior: I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I can relate to a lot of this. It wasn't always this way, but I've been almost completely solitary for quite a few years now. From my perspective, no good has ever come from me having anything to do with anyone, in real life. So I consider my reclusiveness to be my gift to the world. The good thing, in my case, is that I'm old. So it doesn't matter. It must be much more difficult when one is still young. So I hope that, in some way, you might be able to find a way back from your despair.