Thanks for the kind answers! I really see I am in serious trouble. Anyway I don't think I am manic because even though I go to bed late I sleep five to seven hours. Sometimes more. I blame myself so much because of the drinking and the drugs that take me to do this stuff. I somehow think that I might not have any deeper problems such as mental illness because still I am not diagnosed. I feel it is just all my fault because I do not control myself better. I keep putting myself in danger and the thought that maybe I don't even have any illness to blame this on but that it might just be my personal failure is suffocating. Decided to stop drinking alcohol completely until I am better. Should have done that long ago.