I'm a jerk sometimes too. We all are. Everyone makes mistakes and some of us need to make the same kinds of mistakes over and over until we "get it". And with this illness, even when we get it, we still might do it again due to lack of insight. Your night of battle sounds exciting and fun to me but I'm sorry you got hurt. You didn't intend to hurt yourself or others and we're just trying to blow off steam and have some fun. I do stupid stuff while manic and often end up with bruises which I don't remember earning. We just have to try our best and in your case, cut yourself some slack. (((Hugs)))