I saw a paychaiatrist for about 8 months (on and off because I kept decideing not to go then deciding to go then deciding not to) after I was put in hospital for a weekend when I was threataning suicide last christmas. This year I think I matured a lot and in the process I realised that I get such a perverse pleasure out of planning my death, but I don't really want to die, so I don't say I will do it anymore because I about 4 years ago I decided I would never lie unless not lying would get me in real trouble (not just disaproval, like jail, being kicked out of school or whatever). Going to a psychairtist seemed like a total waste of my time and NHS money because all he did was ask "how is school" "hows home" and I would give generic answers because I didnt know what else to say, or I'd be honest and say that I didnt pay attention to home or school, and that would be that.

As for the whole trying to blame my parents for my feelings thing, that was another thing that pissed me off about seeing a psych, he kept trying to wriggle the secret of what my parents had done to me that was so bad, and the thing is, there isn't one. My parents were never anything but the nicest people to me (now my brother is a different matter, he has conduct disorder and my mum just doesn't know how to treat him at all and she ends up both giving in to him every time he threatens her and screaming abuse at him far too often but it has improved as he got older). I don't have a close relationship with my parents but this is entirely due to the fact I widthdrew from them when I withdrew from all the other people in my life.