Quote:
Originally Posted by RxQueen875
I'll be turning 30 in may and I'm thinking so much about everything including having my own family. Is it bad that I don't think I want kids? I can't risk being taken off meds. That scares me so bad. I absolutely cannot sleep without seroquel. And even if I stayed on meds while pregnant, what if it harmed the baby? I'd never forgive myself. And ok... if I had a kid with someone and we split, that guy will tell a judge I'm crazy and he'll take my child. Omg I can't imagine. I just don't think I'm cut out for it. I have pets and that's good enough. They're so therapeutic to me like service animals. Maybe I'm being hard on myself. When I was 10 I had to take care of my baby sister but still, that was before the BP. God I don't know. I wanted kids at one time but I've been cycling so bad lately from stress so imagine the toll that taking care of a child would do. My bf and I were talking about this last night and he said "you take your seroquel and pass out and put cigarette burns in things. You can't take care of a baby at night. You'd never sleep." And he's right. I can't even hold down a job so how can I take care of another human being?
I'm about to just throw my hands up and welcome the lonely life. My dad won't have grandkids, and I do feel bad for that. But I just don't think I'm cut out for my own family. I've always been a loner and did my own thing.
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---response. The hormonal changes from Pregnancy and childbirth can wreak havoce with a bipolr person, and not just short term. Post partum depression knocks many women off kilter long term. I had my first breakdown about a year after my son was born. If you really want a child youll find a way to do it, but i wonder if i would have chosen to have my son if i had known all that would follow. For one thing he and my ex make no effort to understand bipolar. I love my two grandsons hugely, but what if one of them inherits this? They would all resent me for that. But i will know how to hwlp them.
You can have a great life without kids. The most important thing--do not have a child unless the father is a totally solid co parent willing to share all responsibilities no matter what happens.
Luckily, after many years of resenting me for all the drama, after i helped him get a decent house for his two kids, my son is really trying to help me when i need another adult to back me up. He is almost 30, so it's about time we both grew up! Hugs!