I am not sure what I am looking for advice or support or both. I have been married for 10 years to a man who is controlling. I don’t want to leave him but could if I was so inclined. Here’s the thing, I have a good job and am able to care for myself, when we met that was what he loved about me. Now as the years have gone on, those are the things that he hates about me. For example, he complained about us not having enough money and how he already “works hard and has a very stressful job” so I went out and got jobs on the side. I work full time, plus two part time teaching jobs. I am expected to keep a perfect house, do everything for the kids, cook elaborate meals each night (and ON TIME), oh and be a sex kitten on top of it. I am just tired. He constantly wants to know what I am doing, why am I not going to the gym, he monitors my eating and drinking habits and criticizes my appearance and the way I dress on a daily basis.
It has gotten to the point where I look forward to him being at work. Our whole house is on edge when he is home. For example, today is his day off (he works 4 days a week). I am in my office working and he barges in and goes on a tirade about me working in “squalor” because I have a cord for my laptop going across the office floor and a pile of 5 textbooks next to the desk. I am a college professor and am reviewing these to see which I want to use. Then when I didn’t engage, he stormed out of the house saying he would be grocery shopping but just for himself (we have a household of 4) because I did not plan out our meals for the week in time.
I am just so tired. Doesn’t help I suffer from depression. Anyone out there in a similar situation or have any words of advice or encouragement? Thanks for listening (or reading in this case).
Jazzy