Hello Só leigheas: I think I may have some idea of what you're experiencing. Looking back, I can see where I've struggled with mental health issues my entire life... going back to before I even have reliable memories. But I grew up at a time, & in a place, where any hint of mental illness was something to be ashamed of & hidden at all costs. So that's what I learned to do. I became a master of denial. And I managed to keep the lid on, so to speak, for the first 5 decades until a not-too-serious bout with cancer caused me to begin to unravel. I've been coming apart ever since.

I've never actually been offered a diagnosis by any of the mental health professionals I've seen over the years. There must be something written down somewhere for insurance purposes I would suppose... probably depression... that's easy. There was a time when I thought it might still be possible to heal. Now I know it's just too late. It all just is what it is. I'll take it all to my funeral pyre. In the meantime, I strive to accept things as they have turned out... as they are... with compassion.