Quote:
Originally Posted by notz
The skin on my right hand is permanently deformed from hitting hard surfaces. It looks worse and worse every year. I wish it looked better than it does, but that's not going to change.
Crazy as it sounds, I picked up a pick ax and shovel instead and dug holes in the yard, a regular ax to chop wood and a sledgehammer to pound a splitting iron into logs for firewood. There was an element of danger to it that I loved but I beat the everloving crap out of the dirt and the wood! Other than a few unintentional blisters, I never hurt myself while doing that very physical alternative.
The physical exertion is good for the endorphin release. That's a great way to combat the self hurt. Running, bicycle, push ups, weights, any of that interest you?
|
Thank you for your response. I do work out 2-3 hours a day, except on Saturdays when it gets closer to 4. It helps I think. I live in an old apartment - thin Walls, thin floors. Once last winter my neighbor left a note by the door because she could hear me crying. Not sure about the downstairs neighbors but the first-floor people left a note for the second-floor people saying their TV was too loud, so....I feel like everyone can hear me and I have already destroyed clothing tearing it apart in an effort to not bang my head or cry loudly. I don't know what I can do that everyone else won't be able to hear me melting down.