I'm sorry to hear how painful this has been for you, seesaw ...

I was abused by my parents and siblings for 33.5 years and developed C-PTSD as a result thereof ... My mother and her favorite son were my primary abusers, but my father and other two siblings also contributed their fair share!

I no longer have contact with any of my family, but when I first went into recovery, I tried to get them involved in the process and eventually had to just let them all go because they refused to see how the things they did contributed to me developing my condition ... Also, they continued being manipulative and abusive too, which only served to undermine my recovery process!

You mentioned you wanted to confront your mother, and I can see the importance of that, but keep in mind that most likely she will not come around, and she may even get defensive and say some pretty hurtful things that will only serve to wound you more.

If you decide to confront her, try to remember to use "I" statements instead of "You" statements and do your best to not allow her to sidetrack you from the point you are trying to make ... Write it out and rehearse it to a mirror or a friend (or your support pup even) ... When you feel you are ready, perhaps y'all can meet one on one in a quite corner of a cafe or restaurant or park ... Somewhere you feel safe and on neutral ground.

I remember the last meeting with my parents, and while it didn't turn out as I had hoped, it sent the message loud and clear to me that the only one I could save from that living hell I grew up in was me, and it was then I started focusing more on me and my recovery and less on them and their unwillingness to even try being less toxic and abusive!

I still suffer the ravages of a loveless childhood and it can be so excruciatingly painful at times that I almost wish I'd never survived it ... But, here I am, and for the most part I'm glad I did survive it and didn't become it ... I just wish I didn't have to battle all the demons it imparted and bestowed because no child deserves to endure it ... Much less have to spend the remainder of their lives trying to overcome it.

I wish you the best, and again, it really hurts my heart to know that you are having to wrestle with these things as well ... It leaves a big old hole to the bottom of the soul ...

If you ever get a chance to read this book by Pete Walker, it will help explain how toxic parenting can also set up a pathological sibling rivalry ...



I've read three really good books on all this, and while I've gained much knowledge and insight, sadly it hasn't made the recovery process any less painful.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!