I spent 18 years with the same controlling type and behaved the way yours does but add mostly verbal abuse, a few times physical and infidelity. I hated him and he is such a narcissist I know he didn't love me. The fact you both love one another makes this even more difficult but if you seek counseling and he doesn't improve then you need to take care of yourself and your children.
This life your living is not good for you and your children's mental state or health.
Best wishes