I'm writing this tonight because I'm having a bit of an anxiety spike following a pleasant afternoon with a friend.

We hadn't seen each other in a long while and tbh I had wondered if this friendship was going to drift away (like so many seem to have over the years), but I'm fond of this woman and have endeavoured to stay in touch. We used to run together years ago, and had some pretty deep conversations over the miles as well as some good laughs, running together can be a bonding thing that way. She's a nice, kind, thoughtful person. I'm always a little surprised people like her want to be my friend.

So after a long time we finally got together and it was good to see her and hear her family news, over the course of the afternoon I did outpour a few of the not so nice things that have befell my family over the last year - some of it was quite deep and dark (mh issues). She listened and gave some considered sensitive responses but she did seem a little floored - maybe I'm overanalysing it.

Trust and disclosure is anxiety making for me, I want to confide but historically have rarely been able to - there are very few people I will trust with the inner me. Then when I do I reproach myself and worry about what I've said. I get myself into such a knot over it sometimes I think it's best to never disclose at all.