Hello Caijoelle: I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. Unfortunately, I don't know as there is much of anything I can suggest here either. Perhaps this is something you're going to need to explore with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. At least from my perspective, this is not something for which there may be an easy solution. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some insights they can share.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!