Hmmm after thinking further on this matter I realise that I like how it is. This thread of destruction perfectly counters my creative thread which surfaces at other times. Both are to me excessively beautiful to the degree they wrap me entirly in themselves.
Its only that I am alone that bothers me really. I used to think it was my duty to destroy civilisation so that humanity might be reborn into a new age. Then I thought it was a select group from my generation that was to do this. I was going to write a book about it in order to attract them to me and carry out the plan.
But that scares me because as forceful as it feels I am very scared I would succeed. But then I feel like, if it wasn't just me then it would be ok, if i wasn't alone.
But realistically I dont think its possible for it to be anything but me alone. I dont think I am capable of being not alone.