Mouse, what an amazing way to capture the emptiness that so many of us struggle with. When I read your post it reminded me of my SI-- I always tell T that it isn't so much of a release as it is a part of me-- an attempt to fill the emptiness. I tell him that I can't stop because it would be like taking a part of me away. Then what will I have to hold on to?

I think it's okay to let go a a little bit and keep searching while your with T. It doesn't have to be one or the other... you don't have to let go entirely, nor do you have to stop searching/ find whatever it is you are looking for. A little bit of both can be okay, too.