Quote:
Originally Posted by Henpen81
Hi Guys
I have this thing where I kind of disassociate romantically and sexually:
The best way I can describe it is ... that I can't distinguish between wanting to BE WITH someone and wanting to actually BE someone!
Its helpful to explain that I am a gay man - and hence why I kind of didn't detect these thoughts as a male identity.
I.e a straight guy wanting to BE the women he fancied would notice those feelings as odd as it would be across genders!
But with me It's how I first found sexual expression, i.e. when I was younger and discover porn etc... It wasn't that I wanted to be with the guys I was seeing - I projected myself, and fantasied about having their body, being IN there body and feeling the feelings they were experiencing!
These days I find i'm attracted to guys I WANT TO BE, and so I make myself more like them as much as i can - its how i make sense of my identity.... if I like someone - I must be like them for other people to like me!
I've heard of people projecting themselves onto others, but what about projecting other people back on yourself?
does anyone know what I might be talking about? is there a name for it!
thanks guys
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Im not sure about your location (london) but here in america dissociation isnt about .....wanting to be someone else, or wanting to be with someone else..
here in short dissociation is a natural reaction to a trigger...
the easiest way to explain it is to think outside of the term dissociation for a moment and about a time when someone has said something that you did not like... their saying something you didnt like is called a trigger and the way the trigger made you feel is the reaction...
with dissociation something happens (trigger) that makes a person feel numb, spaced out and disconnected (reaction)...
example being stressed out (trigger) can make some people feel numb, foggy minded, disconnected (reaction) during the holidays.
here in america when someone purposely wants to be someone else thats called fantasizing, imagining, roll playing and fantasy play.
here in america when someone wants to be with someone thats called caring about them, being attracted to that person or wanting to be in a relationship with that person....
examples sometimes I want to be one of my best friends who does not have as many responsibilities that I have. Sometimes I pretend, act as if, imagine what it would be like to be that person. but then I look at the life I have and know in reality I would never change places with my friend.
this is different than dissociation and my having had alters because my alters were not my imaginary friends, my wanting to be someone else. before I was 5 yrs old I went through extreme trauma, the trauma and resulting memories, emotions that could not handle my brain separated these things from my conscious awareness and they became completely functioning alternate personalities taking control any time I encountered any thing of a triggering nature all through my life in every aspect of my life.
my suggestion is contact yours or a treatment provider in your own location , they will be able to explain to you what dissociation is in your location and what you need to do to help yourself to be comfortable with who you are rather than wishing you were someone else.