(((Hugs)))

I can relate to much of your post and especially the last paragraph. I want to have a life and get out of this house but the trauma, memories, feelings, delusions and paranoia keep me inside. I don't think I'm designed to be outdoors with regular people. I want it badly but just don't think I've got some vital component required to make it happen.

I'm taking DBT now and hoping it will help. Getting therapy...taking meds....working on self soothing and coping. I've not made much progress so far but I've started the ground work.

I hope you can find some help for this situation. (((Hugs)))