I haven't SI for 5 years now, but over the past few weeks I have been very tempted. I am doing other things to cope, but I also have a strong urge to drink. A very strong urge to drink, and I'm not an alcoholic and I rarely ever have a drink.

Things have been so stressful that I'm finding it very difficult to cope. I also have DID and some of my alters are also self-destructive right now.

I need a safe place to talk, but there really isn't anywhere completely safe.
I tried talking to my T in an email and when he couldn't get ahold of me later he panicked and sent the police. I ended up committed for 3 days when I was just venting like I needed to.

Writing my thoughts out keeps me from acting on them. Not being able to write them out and have someone write back (like I learned to do) makes me want to SI again.

Too many places report people for their thoughts and yet we're told that thoughts are just thoughts. So now I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself to keep others from being disturbed by them. But then I feel like I'm going to implode.

My depression is worse than it's been in years. I slept the entire day today and I'm still tired. Sleep is one of my coping skills.

I know all the right things to do and I still want to do the unhealthy things first. Probably because I'm trying to forget something that happened. That's why I want to drink. I take medication though, so I really shouldn't drink. My T always says not to while my doctor says one or two and no more. I just want enough to not think or feel for awhile.

I'm struggling and now feel limited in what I can say to my T.
I know I can't say too much here either cause I don't want to trigger anyone or get reported. Just wish I could find a true "safe" place to share.