I finally broke from all the chaos. It's been building up little by little and getting a bit more odd by the day....but I thought I had a handle on it until tonight. I feel like giving up....throwing in the towel. I'll never get "it". I will never understand or fit out in this world. There is no place for me on this blue rock. Dreaming of the moment when my atoms can reconnect with the universe which is my real home. I need off this rock now!

I can't understand what appears to be very simplistic text. I can't trust my interpretation on anything. I get it all wrong all the time. I was a mistake and snuck myself in....catching everyone off guard. Now I'm perpetually stuck feeling I don't belong here....some mistake was made. I never should have been born...it was an accident and a mistake and I'm missing key components which make a person valuable or functional on earth.

I keep kidding myself thinking I can get better despite what I have. It's ridiculous. I take 2 steps forward then 10 back. I get sure that I see things in a normal way and then the truth is revealed and I see nothing of value to anyone but me. What a fool I was...actually thinking I could support others and do some good. I'm a mess with nothing positive to give or add.

Every plan I develop to help fix my issues blows up in my face. Therapists always say something unhelpful or inaccurate. I often wonder if they are actually listening. Feeling no hope on that front.

I'm having horrible med issues and just want to flush them down the toilet and never look at another pill again. False hope that makes me feel like I'm on my death bed. It feels like nobody can understand the pain and problems meds cause me....people just get angry at me for not talking them because for them it's simple. How can't they understand that it's not so simple for me?