Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. My only thought on how to repair communication with your mother is to involve a third party- a therapist. It seems a kind and unbiased T could do a lot here, maybe? I'm very close with my mother and brother but my father, who still lives with them, has always been abusive to me. I work around it by pretending he doesn't exist as much as possible, since I'm NC with him. It's awkward and my mom and I have words over it once or twice a year but for the most part it works.