How old are you Malady? I find it really hard to get along with people much older than me. I find them resenting me for being younger than them, and for having all this potential that I direct into just %#@&#! things up rather than trying to achieve some lame goal.

As for plotting I'm not sure anymore if I can. Because theres these little images I know about, that just hit so hard that anything I think up seems wrong incase it doesn't conform to the image even if its not directly obvious how.
Ages ago I imagined when I would have the revolution with my freind and this other person by the name of Morgen Stern who is the morning star and the avatar of both Lucifer and Venus. He didnt do anything, he just was there but him being there gave us the motivation to do what we did (this is all in the future by the way) and then this great army fought against us and we won, but then we were in control of everything, and we didnt know what to do, so there was a counter revolution and they killed morgen stern (but he was reborn later) but anyway. Thats just a metaphor but I dont think I realised that when I was obsessed with that story.
But I dunno, there is this image and I need to make it real and its the only thing that I can ever really care about, but I dont really know how so I just end up being all self destructive because destruction is waht its all about.
Disintegration. That word keeps coming up.