Don't worry about my age, candistyx. The body is what the body is and when I turned 19 I just stopped there permanently. I don't resent you for being younger or for your potential. What you do with your potential is your business, not mine, and yours to decide.

I'm more interested in finding out what you know -- or don't know -- about avatars and archetypes in general and Lucifer in particular. You may be closer to the truth than you think; it is too early in our acquaintance for me to ascertain. I pursue all Potentials to see if they merit further investigation and nourishment in this particular direction. (Alas, too many do not.)

I fully understand about having a vision one feels compelled to reify (make real) and not being able to care about anything else, and how self-destructiveness can become a vicarious and substitutionary expression of that, where either a genuine sense of Direction or the Keys of that Knowledge are lacking. But only you can decide whether this Glittering Image that compels and obsesses you is worth the risk, the sacrifice, the adventure of pursuing -- or whether you want to go down as a pointless waste in futility. No one else can make that decision for you, and I'm certainly not going to insult your intelligence by even bothering to try. I won't kid you. The Path is long, winding, fraught with peril and obstacle plenty, hard, and lonely ... extremely lonely. Awful in some ways. Awesome in others. And once you take the first step thereupon, you must arrive inevitably at the end thereof.