Hi!

My boyfriend's psychologist thinks he might have had a Bipolar Manic Episode. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to be there for him. I'll give you a little detail about our relationship in hope that you'll be able to point me in the right direction.

I'm 31 years old and he is two years older. We started dating about a year ago. Things were going well in the beginning. He used to joke that he needs to put a small rock in his shoe so something would bother him. We come from a different background and I knew it was going to be a problem for my family. Going into it, I didn't expect much. I've dated many guys for a two-three month period and we would go our separate ways. I've also been in two long term relationships that didn't end in marriage. First was him not wanting to marry me and the second was me not wanting to marry him. After dating my boyfriend for six months, I told him that I loved him. He said he loved me too and was happy I finally said it so he doesn't have to hold back. I haven't told my parents anything about him because I knew they will be against it. I told him I wanted to make sure this is it, before I say anything to my parents.

He spends a lot of time with his family and wanted me to do the same. I didn't feel the need to be spending time with his family. I attended his dad's birthday party and his parents' anniversary dinner. They have a lot of family events and I didn't feel like going to those. He felt that I was avoiding his family even when I really had other things going on. I work in public accounting, so from January to April 15th I hardly have time to sleep. The free time that I do have, I spend with my own friends and family.

Fast forward to August, we went on a nice vacation to Mexico with my sister and her boyfriend (his good friend). We had a great time there. He joked about proposing to me. When we go back, his niece's birthday was in August and I missed it because of an unforeseen event in my family. (My cousin ended up going to an emergency room while travelling and I had to go to the airport to get her the following day - day of the birthday party) I didn't think much of it, as an emergency situation took priority over a party.

Around this time I introduced him to my mom and she wanted nothing to do with him. She insisted we break up. She withdrew from everyday life and closed herself into the bedroom for three weeks. Giving me silent treatment, starting fights... I stood my ground. (I live at home for financial reasons - I help my parents with their bills as they earn minimum wage only. I'm capable of living on my own and supporting myself) Finally, we both decide that it's for the best if I tell her that we broke up, to give us time to figure out what to do. Me moving out is a priority.

His nephew's birthday party was in September and I didn't go to that party because the Prime Minister was in town and the group I volunteer with was meeting with him. Again, to me that was higher priority and I didn't think he was going to get upset. Well, he got upset! We were actually at the mall shopping for anniversary gifts - 1 year - and he stormed out of my car when I told him I won't be going. I was surprised by his reaction. He brought up me missing his niece's birthday and how upset he was over it, that he couldn't forgive me. During the argument I couldn't remember why I missed her party. I figured it our later and messaged him and he apologized for being wrong. Regardless if he was right or wrong, it's that he was upset and used it against me in this argument. We didn't talk for a few days, including the anniversary. Ended up not giving gifts to each other - Nothing! About a week later we went out to dinner and he wanted to take a break if I didn't do the things on his list. He had a list of things he wanted me to take care off and we would see each other only 2x per week to work on that list. The next day he apologized and said that he shouldn't have acted the way he did. We didn't talk for a few more days and met again. This time talked for 4-5 hours. Once he got home, he sent me a text that he is done and apologized for not saying it in person. So I drove to his place, asked him if he loved me and told him how much I loved him and said that we'll figure it out if we love each other. We decided that we'll work on me moving out and go from there.

I started my search for a place- Do I buy or do I rent? Area? Budget... In his mind I should be doing the search much faster. While in my mind, I don't want to make any sudden decisions and regret them later. I wanted to buy, he wanted me to rent... We decided I'll rent.

I don't know where the two of us stand. He has pulled back. He is no longer the loving, caring boyfriend that I knew. He has said some mean things and I've seen a side that I've not seen before. I'm working on the moving out part, but I'm not sure that we'll make it. His repose is that he'll be loving and caring once I move out and stand up to my parents. I'm questioning if he is worth the trouble that's about to happen. If he really loves me, would he really be withholding love from me?

Come November and he's deep into reading about these situations....next he is reading about starting up a business and so on... He is not sleeping much. It's affecting his daily life. He's late for work, appointments... I told him that he needs to do the reading in his free time and not let it affect his everyday life. He tells me that he's had a spiritual awakening. I don't even know what that is. So, I go home and read about it. Next he is telling me about voices he's hearing... about how we are meant to be together, that we'll change the world... A train passes and it has a meaning to him; a helicopter circles around the neighborhood and it upsets him; he wants to talk away from electronics... His behavior is worse and worse. Finally he calls me, his parents and best friend for a meeting and asks us what we think about the changes he is going thru. We all agree that he needs to see a professional. He agrees to it, but it took about a week to get him there.

I tried to act normal around him and invited him to dinner with my friends. He parked in front of my friend's house and decided to drive away. I called him to see why and he said that there was suspicions activity and started yelling at me - how he is going to break up with me, that I need to be honest with him, to tell him the truth. I managed to get off the phone and I called his parents. There were days when he was very nice to me and days when he was very upset with me. At one point I was afraid of him. I had never seen him talk to me using that tone, that anger. His best friend stopped by to check on him, and I felt saved. During this time he wants everyone to be honest and good. He doesn't want to accept any gifts and we should not accept them from anyone. I got a business gift that he wouldn't let me bring inside. I had to leave it in the car.

He started spending nights at his parents and that seemed to help him. He saw his regular doctor and the doctor thinks he is just fine. He said that the doctor said "We all go thru those episodes at some point." He saw a psychologist once and she thinks he might have had a bipolar manic episode. He'll see her again, but the appointment is two weeks apart due to the holiday.

During this phase he has told me countless times that he'll propose to me soon. When I met with his parents to discuss the change in his behavior, his mom was curious about our relationship and when we'll be getting married. His dad's focus was on getting him better and to talk about marriage at a later time. His mom was surprised when I said that he started talking about marriage way too early and that I wasn't ready to talk about it after six months of dating. She got married to his dad after only two months of dating and she couldn't understand why I thought it was too early for us to be talking about it. His parents are also of different backgrounds and his dad understand my situation very well. When his mom told her parents about his dad, she told her mom that she loves him more than them and she doesn't understand why I don't do the same. Also, when things were good his parents kept asking him when we are getting married and his mom was saying what kind of wedding they would like for him. That upset me originally, but I didn't say much at the time.

He is blaming me for his situation. His parents and his best friend are also blaming me. When I saw him yesterday, he said he felt better and that we need to resolve our relationship situation. After everything I went thru with him, I expected him to thank me for being by his side. Instead, he was upset that we weren't intimate lately, that we were only like friends and upset that I didn't find a place. I asked him why he thinks we haven't been intimate lately and his answer was because he had an issue with his head. As far as finding a place, I used all my time and energy to be with him and help him get better. So when my answer was that I was nurturing him, he said that maybe it's time I start nurturing myself.

I don't understand that if he is better, why would he be attacking me like that. Maybe I'm wrong. But from my perspective, we both just went thru something very difficult. I feel that I showed love, care and support by being by his side at a difficult time.

Maybe I'm a terrible girlfriend and it's my fault that he went thru this. I haven't accepted that responsibility yet. Do I think it was stressful? Yes. Do I think that there is more to his episode? Yes. But I don't know. I'm not a doctor and I have never had anyone I know go thru something similar.

I don't know whether to stay or to leave. If he is still not better, I would stay. But if this is the real him, I don't want to be in this relationship. I loved the man he was before. I'm asking for your input based on your experiences and expertise.

Thank you!!!!