Saturday night I almost made it. Drunk again(my husband not me), we got in an argument-- he dared me to throw things and break them like he does-- I did it once(a while ago) and I'll not do that again. I'm a quiet, withdrawn one that shakes inside and out when people get physical-- that one time I threw things-- I literally scared myself...... oops-- getting off track...

well, we yelled at each other-- he dared me to throw things and got in my face-- telling me I'm flawed--- I.... I .... felt the tension rise from my stomach to my head-- I had to get out.
For the first time, I grabbed a bag and got some over-night things together and left. cept..... I had nowhere to go(I literally havn't a single friend).... had no money and knew if I used the debit card at a motel he'd see it right away on the internet(he's always kept track hourly of our account)-- and then he'd know where I was....... so I cried in a store parking lot and then went back home.

I almost did it though-- a big step for me.

mandy