I agree with you completely, and I think what your mother said kind of summarizes the leanings of many people when there are no visible scars. In my own case as a passive-aggressive working hard at no longer being like that, I see this also as a form of bullying. For example:

I pretty much "live in my chair" because of chronic back trouble, and my wife has grown accustomed to bringing meals to me here in my chair...and over time I have inconsiderately grown accustomed to telling her to "Just set it anywhere" rather than reaching away from my computer on my lap to receive the meal from her. She never just brings it here and sets it down, however, and this morning I snapped "Just set it down" and she immediately burst into tears and asked "Why do you talk to me like that?" I have since decided (and have told her) I will from now on always stop whatever I am doing and reach up to receive what she has brought since anything less would be abusive of what she does and manipulative for my own convenience even though many people might say she should just "tale the high road" and set the plate down and walk away.