^I agree with PumkinPieHead.

"I am too old for this....why in the world am I still SO shaken 40 years later??" Unfortunately, trauma doesn't have a time stamp from when it will effect you to when it will be over. There's no shame it in that you should carry. Those who imposed this trauma onto you are the ones who should feel shame. PTSD is like an injury, except in your brain. Every injury heals at a different pace, your pace, and you can't rush it. You didn't create this injury and therefore, you're not at fault for the pain that came from the salt those cards poured in.