While I understand your frustrations, you have to understand that anyone coming out of an abusive relationship will need time and a gentile approach to things like sex. It sounds as if your trying, but there things you could be doing for her that you aren't right now.
If she doesn't like you flirting that way with her, then by all means, respect her and stop doing it. She has been abused and such remarks could be triggering to her. Being in a relationship isn't all about you, but about each other. It seems you need to talk to her more about how you feel, and about how she feels.