Oh ((Ocean)) I am sorry you have experienced so many traumatic events along with the instablity of others in your family.

When it comes to experiencing suicidal impulses, please know that these can come but like other symptoms they also go away too. I had a horrible time with these impulses myself and what made a huge difference for me is when someone told me to pay attention to the fact that while these impulses can be strong they also go away too.

What helps when struggling with PTSD symptoms is learning about how these symptoms tend to come in like a wave, crest, then receed. By recognizing that it actually helps to reduce the stress of "unknowing' into understanding on a level that while symptoms can be challenging, they are understood better and one can slowly learn how to gain more control over them.

What does help is finding ways to create a structure for yourself that is more predictable where you regain a sense of more control. When someone is around others that exhibit unpredictable behaviors, yes, it's stressful, however, one can slowly learn how to recognize that just because others can exhibit poor behavioral problems, YOU really don't have to do the same, YOU can actually create your own structure to your own life. You can learn to set small goals for yourself and heal a little at a time.