Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your feedback. You are confirming something I that my "rational" self know very well: That this relationship is not making me happy at a very fundamental level and won't make me happy anytime soon.

To answer some of your questions:

The first one is arguably the most central one: What do I love about her? I can honestly say that I just very much enjoy her smell, her looks, holding her in my arms, her kisses. Essentially anything intimate. But, I also have to admit that there are many things that I really don't like about her at a fundamental level. How she approaches other people (distant, sometimes hostile), her mood swings, opinionatedness, lack of curiosity. It's really a strange situation where I like her physically, but I'm not a big fan of her character.

Am I treating her like a project? That's a really good question. Sometimes, I do think I have that tendency. I want to be the one that doesn't leave her (she's been left and cheated on many times). I want to be the one that gives her grounding and support. I also want to be the one who helps her find happiness, open-mindedness, supports her to become friendly, enthusiasic. But, reading all this out loud I realize that this isn't a good basis for a relationship. I shouldn't go into this wanting to change her. But, if she doesn't change, I just don't see this relationship (including possibly marriages, etc.) working out.

Finally, I think the suggestion of seeing a therapist is a great one. I really should do that and I have already reached out to a person.

I'm always open for other opinions, and I will keep you posted on how things evolve.

Best