So, I hope this belongs here, it was hard to tell. I'm 23 and my dad still somewhat supports me financially because I'm in a Masters program.

I'm a 4.0 student, I'm responsible, married, etc. Despite having chronic mental illness (bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, etc), I am doing very well for myself and I feel that my dad should be proud of me.

The problem is his reactions to drug use. I used to be very open with him about what drugs I was doing, how often, etc. I've always used recreational drugs in moderation (typically once a month or less), and have found that they can be incredibly healing for me with minimal side effects. However, a few years ago, he started to get really paranoid about me doing them and had to see the doctor for the amount of stress it was causing him. I told him that I stopped. However, he's still be paranoid about it and accusatory. My drug use isn't his business, and I feel like it doesn't matter what I do because he'll always see me as a failure for that. I wish I was able to just be honest with him about it but I can't risk getting cut off financially because I have a husband and pets to think about and I couldn't support them on my own while in school.

It makes me want to stop trying. Like, it doesn't matter how well I'm doing, so I might as well stop putting any effort in and just start getting ****ed up every day instead of responsibly. I know that isn't healthy thinking, but its really depressing to have somebody who is so important to me think I'm a horrible person for something I do 8 hours a month instead of the other 720.

I guess I want support or validation or advice or something?