Quote:
Originally Posted by Milo16
I have no friends. Not a single one. No one to call or text. I used to have friends. But they used me, abused me, and abandoned me (after my father died). The only support I have is from my therapist. It's not enough. And I'm draining her energy. Now, she has very strict boundaries with me. So, I'm left to myself and my horrible mind in-between sessions. I'd talk to my family, but they all hate me and they do not believe in mental health at all. I'm running in circles, chasing my own tail that I don't even have. It's exhausting.
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Considering how you recently experienced the death of your father, I can see why you feel alienated from your social network. And let's face it, when death happens, people show you their true colors which sometimes comes as a horrible shock. I, too, lost my father when I was around your age and it immediately showed me who were my friends and who weren't. I lost a lot of friendships with the death of my father, but in hindsight, those people didn't deserve my friendship for the way they abandoned me when I needed them the most. Life has a way of showing us our friends' roles in our lives, when the going gets tough. The ones who bail, are fair weather. The ones who stick around, are true.
Right now you are grieving a huge loss, and as a result, puts you in a state of transition psychologically-speaking. If your therapist is your only source of support, I would ask her to connect you to a woman's center where you can join a women's grief support group. I did that for myself after I discovered that my college therapist was breaking the patient-confidentiality code, when she shared our session information with my mother who was smothering myself and my siblings at the time. I found a women's center, which allowed me to attend a grief support group for 6 weeks for free. So, the became another source of support to me. I also started a job, which was a nice distraction.
All I'm saying is, when you find your mind racing between your therapy sessions its because you have limited your source of support to your therapist. You need to expand your support system. Find a grief group if you can. Figure out what your passions are and distract yourself with those. Go out for walks, go for runs. Physical activity is a great treatment for depression and anxiety. The endorphins released from even a short 15 minute walk will relax your racing mind. Also, walking meditation or sitting meditation helps slow down racing thoughts.
You have your youth on your side. Read books. Chat and post here. Find a grief group of women. Exercise. Cuddle your cat. Watch silly movies. Journal. Create art. Take an African drum class or some kind of community ed class if you can afford to. And allow yourself to transition and grieve the loss of your father at your own pace. You will heal. It just takes time.