this seemed important but i don't know now. i guess it's about lack of control.

often i don't know how i feel about something untill something happens and my reaction tells me how i feel.

it's like i'm a bystander,.the event happens, and i'm up the wall- usually in anxiety bordering panic, or anger or both.

i'm not describing this well, and it actually sounds rather stupid when i write it but maybe the upshot is that i feel uncertain and that i have no control, as i don't know what's coming that may or may not be a trigger. (well duh...)

geeze, i should stop talking, i'm not making any sense.